Eureka! At last I have figured out which file format I saved (MSWorks) this in and the world shall tremble at the power of the ultimate weapon.
Mullet A Critical Table
01-05 Well,on the general scale of things that was certainly a flop.
06-10 Hey, that thing's still wiggling!
11-15 Now, he's mad, you got fish slime all over his new surcoat.
16-20 What did you expect? You hit him with a fish!
21-30 You, or the smell, seem to have frightened him. He backs away.
31-40 Thunk, right across the shoulders, that'll learn him!
41-50 Oh well, at least it sprayed the fish blood away from you.
51-55 If he'd stop moving away, you'd have had him by now.
56-60 Neat, this thing flips over a parry like a flail!
61-65 Splat! Right in the gut!
66 Amazing! the whole fish just sort of explodes in his face blinding him for a round.
67-70 Blow slides off the knee as the fish twists in your grasp.
71-75 Right in the gut! Not that it's a hard target.
76-80 Side shot just about knocks him off his feet. Fear the fish!
81-85 Whaloping him front and center tips the scales in your favour.
86-90 Heartstopping blow to the chest leaves foe breathless if the stink didn't first.
91-95 Cod liver oil is supposed to be good for the ears anyhow isn't it?
96-99 Right in the face! Foe gags and retches, perhaps your weapon isn't quite fresh.
00 Wow! There's bits of fish every where and your foe is out cold on the floor.
Mullet B Critical Table
01-05 This guy's slipperier than your weapon!
06-10 Leave a greasy smear across his forearm
11-15 He takes the bait and you tag his bicep!
16-20 Now you've done it! There's fish guts all over his tricep.
21-30 Was it his shoulder or the fish that made that wet poping sound?
31-40 With practiced ease you slip past his guard and slap him on the belly!
41-50 He turns aside at the last moment and your low blow slaps into his thigh.
51-55 Yep, I'm sure you ment to hit him in the calf. It's all part of your master plan.
56-60 Whoa, that's a big slippery fish! Your off balance swing ends up all over his boots.
61-65 Slap the fish against his hip. Are you still trying for the money shot?
66 Hold it! What's this? You broke his arm! Is that a frozen fish?
67-70 Your knee shot makes his leg twist painfully. That'll show him!
71-75 Whallop him in the belly and knock the wind right outta him.
76-80 This sort of clean shot to the heart is a bit wasted on a fish isn't it?
81-85 The smell had him queesy already and this gut shot has him choking back bile!
86-90 Nice! That one cracked some ribs, it's all in picking the right weapon.
91-95 Flailing blow to the head almost spins him around. The guy's gonna need a neck brace!
96-99 What ever he was gonna say, he's regretting openning his mouth at just that moment.
00 Clean his clock with a messy fish! His head bounces twice when it hits the ground.
Mullet C Critical Table
01-05 Who wears armour to a fish fight anyhow?
06-10 Foe laughs contempibly at your attempt to lure him in.
11-15 Whack! A solid blow with a soggy weapon.
16-20 Side splitting slap to the love handles makes foe jiggle, you think you're going to be sick.
21-30 You give him a little slack and reel him in then you give him a little slack and reel him in.
31-40 Smack to the lower leg puts foe of balance.
41-50 His fancy foot work leaves his back wide open, you move in for the kill!
51-55 Hammer foe right in the chest with a squelching of unidentified fluids.
56-60 The fish sweeps across both legs drawing blood with shards of bone and fin.
61-65 Slime from your weapon causes your foe to lose his grip on his weapon.
66 In a moment of pure brilliance you stuff a live snapper into his trousers.
67-70 While he's looking at the fish, you kick him below the belt.
71-75 Scrambling to evade your furious assault causes him to twist his knee painfully.
76-80 He manages to get his arm in the way of that one but it's seriously bruised in the process.
81-85 Furious flurry of fishy flailing fells foe.
86-90 Crunch! The force of your blow dislocates multiple ribs!
91-95 The low blow comes in, foe drops like a sack of fish.
96-99 Devastating blow to the paunch leaves foe in a pool of his own vomit.
00 Head shot knocks foe's hat off and temporarily blinds him with fish guts.
Mullet D Critical Table
01-05 Okay, you need to practice your fresh fish kata some more.
06-10 His fancy footwork avoids the force of your blow but not the slimy mess.
11-15 He gets his chin in the way of a beautiful throat shot, putting the fish right under his nose.
16-20 Fish's scales tear skin messily, if it was a salt water fish he's in a whole new world of hurt.
21-30 Foe leaps out of the way but slips on the slime splattered ground.
31-40 Fish flops foe's foot flatly.
41-50 In a moment of opportunity you whallop him cleanly across the shoulders.
51-55 Foe grimaces as fish and ribs crackle sickeningly.
56-60 Downward sweep slaps foe's thigh causing him to stumble.
61-65 Blow to forearm showers him with sushi.
66 Fish twists unexpectedly from your hand and into your shirt. Foe collapses on the ground laughing.
67-70 Brutal blow dislocates foe's shoulder and breaks fish in two.
71-75 With a loud, wet slap, the fish whacks their legs right out from under them.
76-80 Blow twists foe's arm to a sickening angle and disloctes his elbow.
81-85 Foe actually lifts off the ground with the force of you blow, he's gonna smell of fish for a week!
86-90 You smack the fish right into his throat, he gags, chokes, and collapses on the ground coughing up blood.
91-95 Mighty blow to the chest stops his heart for ten seconds. He stands there wondering if you just killed him before it starts up again.
96-99 Powerful chest strike knocks foe over and he cracks his head, he's in a coma for the next week.
00 You really trained with a fish under your master didn't you? Head shot snaps foe's neck and he's paralysed.
Mullet E Critical Table
01-05 Explosion of fishy bits destroy's foe's outfit.
06-10 A sold blow puts foe off balance.
11-15 Foe blocks the fish with his arm and comes away with fish bones imbedded in his flesh.
16-20 It's not just you, the stink of this think is actually getting worse. Foe is put off balance by the stench.
21-30 Direct hit cracks foe's ribs and knocks the wind out of him. Not that he wants to inhale at this point.
31-40 Incredible blow to thigh causes tendons to separate from bone.
41-50 Foe's attempt to roll with your slap opens him up for a second shot.
51-55 The mess your blow leaves across his chest makes escaping the stench impossible.
56-60 Gut shot forces foe to inhale sharply, his legs go all wobbly and his eyes bug out.
61-65 Clean slap to the arm forces foe to fumble his weapon.
66 How did you run him through with a fish? That's just weird.
67-70 Your blow spins him into the ground and his flailing shield arm strikes the ground and snaps.
71-75 Scientifically precise smack dislocates foe's hip.
76-80 You took his arm off with a fish, that's badass. Well, as badass as a guy armed with a fish is gonna get.
81-85 Armpit strike proves somewhat disappointing as it turns out your fish isn't the smelliest thing around after all.
86-90 Sweeping neck strike opens up foe's jugular vein, he's bleeding an ocean right now.
91-95 Opportune blow to back, collapses one of your foe's lungs. Just think what you could do with a bigger fish!
96-99 Blow merges fish with foe's face, it's hard to tell where one begins and the other ends, there's blood everywhere.
00 A frenzy of blows, strips your fish and foe of flesh. He expires on the ground in a pool of chowder.
