Yes but what I meant was that to all those hours of prep in a game system you don't like or does not allow you to realise your vision is very frustrating and not particularly fun.
so why are you GMing a game system you dont enjoy?
there must be some other options available to you.
why not create your own? Or if that is too big of a task, take the best bits from different game systems.
there is a new version of Lord of the Rings/MERP that looks great. If u was wanting to start again, id go for that.