Topic: What's the funniest thing you've ever heard around the gaming table?

[Colin-ICE]

What's the funniest thing you've ever heard around the gaming table?

[dutch206]

One of my players got violently ill after a night of tequila and White Castle hamburgers.  In describing the hangover, he said "It was like a point-blank puke bolt with a +50 bonus."

[arakish]

From one of my twin daughters, when asking about mine and my wife's characters.

"How come your characters never get to bed wrestle?"

rmfr

P.S. - Yes, both our faces turned beet red, but we ended up laughing as hard as the other players.

[VladD]

Two players' high level characters were brothers. One brother was thinking out loud: "Mithril teeth would be awesome, wish I had Mithril teeth". His brother (the really powerful fighter) asked: "Are you sure about this?". The first brother said: "yes, it would be great". The second brother then proceeded to roll an attack to knock out his teeth.

Another instance was when, after some puzzle solving, a character was admitted in the house of a Jinn. The Jinn explained that he had won a wish for his perseverance and great intellect. He then sat the character down on a chair at a table and asked, very casually: "would you like a cup of tea?". The Character said: "I'd like some, please". The Jinn then made a little show of producing a cup of tea with a wish...

[ReGM]

In the face of a dangerous, upcoming battle, one of my players advised the group to be cautious with the phrase, "There ain't no herb for 'fetch a mop'."

That has been an oft repeated phrase in our games ever since.

[GrumpyOldFart]

That should be your sig. That's classic. Have a laugh point.

[yammahoper]

Just another gaming session when a social situation developed.  The party was giving pursuit to a group of pick pockets that lifted some important property from them (a few coppers I think) when the thieves melted into the crowded streets around Kaitains Glass Mall.  Scotts character was a real basher, a professional fighter and soldier with few social graces. 

I ask Scott what his mingling skill total is, or even an appropriate athletic skill.  Looking over his sheet, he notes he lacks any of those skills...but he has a 154 Battle Axe skill, and starts making the roll!

Since that day, a common response to lack of skill when resolving any mnv is BATTLE AXE.  Still makes me chuckle (btw, the crowd parted like the red sea and the city guard was chasing the party as they chased the thieves...).

[markc]

 I had a friend who said he wanted to use his Compo-site bow to attack. We all looked at one another and said you are going to shoot fertilizer at them?
MDC

[GrumpyOldFart]

No compost bows, poo flinging is not allowed, ya monkey. 

[markc]

 I was not at the game but the group I was with always laughed at the player who asked "How many shots in a double barrel shotgun?" and shot a grenade launcher while in the hold of a ship at a creature on the inside of the hull. Yes I know you are all surprised that the result was a large hole in the hull and players thought of a way to get topside ASAP.


MDC

[Rensslaer]

I'm guessing my college friends from way back wouldn't mind my telling a story they told me.

The party is adventuring in a cave, and the GM tells them they hear shuffling behind them.  They turn around, shine a light around, and can see nothing but stalacmites.  They keep walking.

The GM tells them they hear this noise again.  Same thing -- stop, peer around, see nothing out of the ordinary.  They start walking again.

They do this a third time, and this time one member of the party decides he's going to hold the lantern and walk backward.   They start walking...

The GM says, "You see the stalacmites break into a run..."

[Cory Magel]

I've told this elsewhere I am sure... but...

Our group is known for taking on challenges that the GM feels we have no business taking on (i.e. we should get our butts handed to us) yet getting away with it somehow, sometimes luck sometimes creative thinking/strategy.

An old group member that hadn't played with us for some time joined the group already part way through our Middle Earth campaign (this was years and years ago).  The group (before that member joined us) had previously run into a Nazgul and we were actually smart enough to not try and take it head on, but rather use some creativity to accomplish our goal.  What little taste of combat we had with it left us NOT wanting more.

So we are sent on a mission to get an item.  In the end we are all in a room and the item is hovering in the middle of the room, suspended mid-air.  We know it's a trap, but figure... what the hell.  We fully prep and one of us grabs it.  Two secret doors open on either side of the room and a Nazgul steps out of EACH door.  The new member, knowing our usual mode of operation, says "I get my staff out!" (he was a Monk).  Every other person at the table (five of us), in unison (no joke) says "I run."  The look on his face was classic.

He really realized the seriousness of it when the Mage jumped out a window (we were in a tall tower), casting a 'landing' spell and I, the Rogue, blindly jumped out after him, making an acrobatics roll to grab on to him.  When he asked if I had a 'landing' spell and I said no he really started to get worried.

[tulgurth]

THis is one I could not resist.  It would not be the funniest, the reaction produced a few laughs for those involved.

   I had a party traveling through a grassland area when they came across a random encounter, Giant Trapdoor Spiders.  The party had traversed right through their lair area.  When the first spider sprung from under his trapdoor I noticed that one of my player's eyes going wider and wider as the encounter progressed.   The deeper we got into the encounter the further up the back of my couch she inched to she was almost at a complete standing position.

   Unknown to me as the GM, she actually had a severe phobia of spiders that even mentioning them got a reaction of fear.

[markc]

tulgurth,
 Welcome to the ICE Forums,
And great story. I was in a game were the GM was giving one of the players bad dream info and it was really creeping her out, you could really see its effect on her face during the game.
MDC

[tulgurth]

I am another one of those dream GM's.  When the incident happened her character was automatically awarded the severe phobia as a flaw.  I had also started to use the dreams of spiders and the incident playback...however the rest of the group asked me to back off because of the effect.

[JUNKdeLUXE]

This is not so much a story of what someone said or did, but more of the great karma of the universe and how it made the rest of the table spurt out coke and and laugh for nearly 20 minutes.

We're an old group of friends that meet 4-5 weekends a year to play Rolemaster and just have a good time. This particular campaign had been taking the best of 5 years and we all had characters around lvl 18 that we've played since level 1.

We usually have a mix CD of different fantasy music in the background to set the mode (LotR, GoT etc).

We were on our way to defeat or retrieve something, I can't remember, when I as the party leader rolled for random encounter and rolled a 1 - Ooops. People around the table scoffed at me and my jinxed dice (I had a reputation for always rolling bad on encounters). Okay.. a few rolls more for difficulties.. Open Ended.. OUCH.. and a roll for amount 1D10.. Rolled an 8.

I can't remember exactly what we encountered, but they were demons of the pale.

We won the initiative over them, and our highlevel assassin used a ring of invisibility to move into the ranks of the enemy. He was known for being able to take out 2 enemies a round due to a hefty ambush bonus, so we believed our chances were good.

Second up is me, a Noble Warrior with the spatial (self ==> touch etc) gift and a decent amount of spell mastery. I buffed the whole party with my best buff.

Third is our sleepy mage. He takes a quick glance on the battle map, sees a lot of enemies and declares he's casting a fireball...

...he rolls really well and a lot of them starting to burn.. including our poor assassin standing in the middle of them. He looses his swords, is stunned and is no longer invisible as he is burning..

Next round is the demons...

The same second the assassin is hit by the halberd and the crit makes his head fall flat from his shoulders, the stereo is playing the chorus from this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=l_zsz_MlVvI&t=33

Dance dance your cares away(clap clap)
worries for another day

[KacyCrawford]

Not terribly funny, but I enjoyed it:

The characters had been asked to investigate several disappearances near an abandoned tower. After being attacked by giant rats, they cautiously made their way into the entrance. The rogue decides to take his time and check for traps, and the player is surprised there aren't any (there weren't).

They proceed into the hallway, where the rogue's player decides not to check for traps. So, of course, no one is prepared when the floor gives way beneath them.

After climbing out of the hole, they proceed down the hall to a door. Opening it, they see a small library with several skeletons in it. The skellies attack, and the players respond. Unfortunately, they're all equipped with bladed weapons, meaning they keep missing!

So, one of the players gets a bright idea. He flips up one of the tables in the room and uses it to pin a skeleton to the wall. He then declares he's going to try and knock the monster to the floor (he succeeds).

Now that he has the skeleton on the floor, trapped beneath an overturned table, what does he do?

Player: "I start jumping up and down on the table as hard as I can!"

[naphta23]

When the first spider sprung from under his trapdoor I noticed that one of my player's eyes going wider and wider as the encounter progressed.   The deeper we got into the encounter the further up the back of my couch she inched to she was almost at a complete standing position.
[...]
When the incident happened her character was automatically awarded the severe phobia as a flaw.  I had also started to use the dreams of spiders and the incident playback...

Ron Weasly (Harry Potter) much? 

[tulgurth]

When the first spider sprung from under his trapdoor I noticed that one of my player's eyes going wider and wider as the encounter progressed.   The deeper we got into the encounter the further up the back of my couch she inched to she was almost at a complete standing position.
[...]
When the incident happened her character was automatically awarded the severe phobia as a flaw.  I had also started to use the dreams of spiders and the incident playback...

Ron Weasly (Harry Potter) much? 

Actually no, this was prior to Harry Potter.  Besides, I am not one to borrow something of that nature from such a well known story anyways.  Yes I have borrowed in the past, but I do, as a GM, tend to frown upon it.

[GrumpyOldFart]

I'm not bashful about borrowing.... but I try hard to change it enough to make it unrecognizable, especially since my whole family has a far-too-good-to-get-away-with-anything memory for movie scenes and obscure dialog.