I have two players in my campaign who are very good role-players. They get inside the inner workings of their characters and use character motivations and goals as the driving force for playing their characters, even if it is a detriment to the rest of the party or their actions work to slow the advancing of the story. That is real dedication and I think a rare thing in role-playing from my experience.
I admit that I too thought this was a question regarding "acting out in real life" vs. rolling the dice to get results. From what I gathered from this section of your post, I would word it as "playing your character" i.e.: not meta-gaming. John Smith knows that there are goblins on the other side of the door because he heard the conversation the GM had with Michael and Kevin. However, Amalor the Bard should have no idea what's on the other side of the door because he was unconscious from a blow to the head and he's severely weakened and out of potions, limping along on one leg. He decides he needs to find cover to try to heal, so John Smith sighs and says "Oh man.... Amalor opens the door to go inside...." knowing full well that Amalor will probably not make it out alive.
To me... that is great role playing and playing the character and the very avoidance of meta-gaming. Meta-gaming happens, and I'm OK with that to an extent, but I hate when a player says "I'm not opening that door. I'll get killed." Well... your PC was unconscious and your PC has no idea what's on the other side of the door. It could be the infirmary on the other side of the door. I always reward "very well" for players who stick to their character and make a conscious effort to avoid meta-gaming. When I'm a player, I try to do the same, and I've sent my PC into bad situations because the PC simply would NOT have the knowledge. I've made unhappy gaming sessions because the party had to rescue or heal me. Simply put... THEY knew the module, they knew what was in the room because they had all read the module, but my barbarian from the great plains doesn't know what's on the other side of that door.
I am actually happy we are moving a bit away from hack and bash encounters and my players are thinking of clever ways to defeat their enemies without actually killing them outright with a weapon.
I love that trend too and with RM2 and the plethora of skills available to PC's I love when they get creative and make use of skills other than Combat related ones. One player invested in Engineering, Architecture, Mathematics, Tightrope Walking, Rappelling, Rope Mastery and a handful of other related skills... He was a "2nd story man" (Burglar) and he came up with incredibly creative ways into and out of buildings or sticky situations, and for locating secret rooms. He loved to avoid combat and he was very creative in doing so. He was rewarded amply for his part and how well he played his PC.
Rewarding equivalent XP for non-combat encounters is important to give the non-combat orientated characters a chance to advance at equal speed. It also shows the players there is more than one way to solve encounters. Thinking your way out of situations or talking your way out can be just as good and often times safer.
Absolutely! If the player stumps me or makes me go "Damn. Great idea." I immediately give them 5xp in game. 5xp doesn't do much when leveling up when players needs 20k per level, but it encourages the other players to start being more creative. I don't think RM is strictly about combat or there wouldn't be Companions after Companions with so many non-combat related skills. Other gaming systems have all combat/stealth/magic related skills directed at dungeon crawls and that is perfect for that gaming system. If players invested in non-combat skills, I try to come up with situations where they can use those skills and I'll reward them for when they do use the skills. Region Lore, Herb Lore, Flora Lore go a long way in locating healing herbs and in finding the more rare herbs like bone healing, muscle/tendon repair, and maybe even life giving. Those skills and the results are at least as important as killing the baddie in my mind.